Asphyxia's Interview with Saves The Day

1. Okay, it's a Friday night in May, and I'm here with the members of Sefler, a great band whom you must all see some day. All right, I suppose we should get all the usual crap out of the way. What does your name mean?

Chris: Okay, a sefler is someone who fantasizes about having sex with Santa Claus.

2. Someone told me to ask you about getting beat up outside of Kendall Park Cinemas in the seventh grade.

Chris: No, it was eighth grade. Bryan: All right, can I have this please? (grabs recorder) Thank you. (laughter) Alright, we were dorks. Chris had Burger King reindeer antlers. We were going to see some rated R movie and these frat boys drove by, except they were like homies, homie frat boys, and they drove by and they started calling and he goes, "Nice fucking antlers," and Chris goes (impersonates Chris) "Thank you," because he's an idiot, and consequently, we thought we were tough, so we sat outside of Kendall Park Theatres with our reindeer antlers and they came around the corner and the guy says, "Yo, you trying to start something?" and I ran and he popped Justin in the face and we ran, and he was just left there. And eventually we came back.

3. (To Justin) This one's for you & it comes from someone who knows you. Okay, "I heard your hair got that way from masturbating into a wall socket. Try and deny it!"

Eron: Ah ha! Try and deny it Justin! Just try! Justin: I can't, it's true. Okay, enough said. Next question.

4. This is a question they asked the Ramones in MMR I think, or something. So, if you had a choice between seeing your sister naked in the shower and masturbating into raw meat, which one would you choose?

Chris: Naked sister, naked sister! Justin: I don't have a sister. Chris: Doesn't matter, naked sister! Bryan: Naked sister! Justin: Meat. Justin would choose the meat! (to Dave) Wait, what about you? Dave: Well, my sister has clothes permanently attached to her body, so there's no way I could see her naked. Eron: Ask them about the Gorillas!

5. (laughing) Oh yeah! Would you rather have sex with a live gorilla or dead one, and why?

Chris: A live one, cause Eron's a fucking idiot & he has sex with gorillas. Eron: Fuck you! (pushes him)

6. All right, so you have a seven inch coming out.

Chris: It's on Geriatrics Records and there are three songs... Justin: And it's going to be baby blue. Chris: ...and it's going to be like $3.00 post paid. And it's called "Thirteen Hours of Everything." And what is it going to be out? Dave: Soon. Hopefully by July. Definitely by July.

7. Okay, I have to ask you this: What's the most successful pickup line that you, personally use?

Chris: I don't use pickup lines. Justin: I know one. Wait... (pause... laughter) Chris: (in a weird accent) Last night I saw you in my dreams, and here you are today. Who are you? Dave: I have a pickup line I've actually used. What's that? Dave: Um, hi, I don't like you, but we can go make out. Did it work? Dave: Yeah, after a while. Justin: I remember it now! "Are you lost?" and then the person's supposed to say "No" and then you're supposed to say something like "Then what's an angel like you doing so far from heaven?" (laughing) Oh, that's pretty cheesy. That's a good way to get bitch slapped.

8. Do you have any problem with your audience at any shows? Like, do you have any problem with Nazis coming out anything?

Chris: Oh! No. With people? No, never. Dave: They're nice, but we'd rather have them stand still instead of dancing around and stuff. Chris: No, we'd rather have them dancing. It gets kind of boring when they just stand there. Dave: I don't think it gets boring when they just stand there. Bryan: I could really care less either way, and you can quote me on that.

9. Okay, so how did you all meet? And how long ago did you meet?

Chris: Bryan and I have been going to school together since first grade, Justin came along in like third grade. Justin: No, in first grade you bastard! Chris: Oh, okay, and then he got kicked out last year, and then Dave's been there for a while, but we were never really friends with him because he had long hair. Dave: Cause I'm older than them. Everyone shouting over each other: No, no way I had long hair! They all had long hair! You had long hair! You had a fucking hippie Afro! But then I cut it! Dave: Okay, okay, we all had long hair, and we all regret it. Chris: Shut up.

10. Okay, this is a good question. In your opinion, does it really take different strokes to move the world?

Bryan: I don't know, but Gameface does a good cover of that song. And what strokes would they be? Everyone: Back and forth. Right to left! Right to left! No, back and forth! (A car drives up and starts turning around) Bryan: Say something about punks leaving. All the punks are leaving. (The car goes up onto the curb and the bottom gets scraped.) Ah ha, there goes their car. (Just gets up and starts making faces into the window). Look, he's french-kissing the window. (They roll the window down and he comes back and sits down).

11. Okay, last question, because I can't think of anything else. Who's your favorite muppet? This is important because it says a lot about your personality.

Chris: Elmo. What about Bryan? Bryan: Uhhh, Aunt Piggy? Is that her name? Miss Piggy! Dave: She's not a muppet you fucker! She is a muppet! She's just like a reject muppet. Chris: Oh, I said the wrong thing, I said a Sesame Street character. Wait, lemme think then. I don't know. Maybe Gonzo. No, no! You know the guy who's like, "Meep, meep", and he works with the green guy! Everyone else: Beeker! Chris: Yeah, Beeker, that's it! Dave: Fozzie's my favorite. And what about you? Justin: Oscar the Grouch. Because he lives in a garbage can and doesn't contribute to society? Justin: Uh, no. I just like him. He's dirty. What about animal? You don't like Animal? He's the punkest! Chris: We're not punks, we're dorks. Eron: No, you know who's the punkest? Chris (to Eron): SHUT UP!! Eron: The guy who throws the fish around! He's the punkest! Oh yeah, What the hell was with that guy? (Someone starts to sing the Swedish Chef song) Someone else: Oh yeah, that's the Chef! Bryan: Did you see the one where he made Kermit sell his legs so he could fry them? (laughter) Well, I guess that's it then. Multiple people: Thank you. Is that it? It's over now right? Thank you for interviewing us. Goodbye.